PotC: Curse of the Parodies
by Aravis Hermione
Summary: A parody of the Pirates of the Caribbean movie
1. Chapter 1

[Young Elizabeth singing on ship] : Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for-  
  
[Gibbs puts a hand on her shoulder]  
  
Elizabeth: What the F---?  
  
Gibbs: It's bad luck to cuss.  
  
Elizabeth: The sailors do.  
  
Gibbs: Er.good point. Well just stop singing then.  
  
Elizabeth: I'm soooooo bored. Can I go watch television?  
  
Gibbs: It's the 17th century; television hasn't been invented.  
  
Elizabeth: No TV!? What about Playstation? X-box?  
  
Gibbs: No and no.  
  
Elizabeth: Well then, I wish we'd like, meet pirates or blast someone with our canons or something.  
  
Norrington: Pirates are a pain in the ass. Besides, we have to pay our crew overtime to fight.  
  
Governor Swann: Stop talking about pirates! You're scaring me.er.Elizabeth, yeah, that's it.  
  
[Elizabeth sees a parasol in the water, then a boy]  
  
Elizabeth: Oooh look! There's a boy in the water! Can we keep him? Please? I can name him and maybe throw sticks to him or something. You never let me have a dog.  
  
Governor Swann: That's because we're on a ship. Very well..although he seems to be in hypothermic shock, if you want to keep him then look after him.  
  
Elizabeth: Yay! This is like, a dream!  
  
Omnipotent Author: It IS a dream.  
  
Elizabeth: Oh. Well maybe I'll pet his head. We used to do that to the dogs at home.  
  
[Will wakes up and grabs her hand]  
  
Elizabeth: Hi. I'm Liz.  
  
Will: Oh my God.I think I'm in love [passes out again].  
  
Elizabeth: Hey, he's got jewelry on. [yanks off necklace] Wow.since this has a skull on it, you must be a pirate! Even though, like, pirates usually aren't 10 years old. But hey, gotta do the whole foreshadowing bit. [sees pirate ship and wakes up] 


	2. Chapter 2

Scene 2 (a beautiful dress and impressive sword)  
  
[Elizabeth wakes up and goes to her dresser. The Almighty Gods of Hair and Makeup have made sure Elizabeth's hair is perfectly pinned back even though she has, supposedly, been sleeping. She puts on the necklace]  
  
Governor Swann: "Elizabeth! Are you decent? Since we're in that Single- Father-with-Teenage-Daughter awkward stage I might faint or something if I saw you in your nightgown."  
  
Elizabeth: [crashes over chair] "Daddy! Do you have presents for me? Huh? Huh?"  
  
Governor Swann: "But of course. I need you to show off your cleavage so Norrington will propose to you. I mean, yes of course I have a gift for you."  
  
Elizabeth: "Why do your gifts always have ulterior motives?"  
  
Governor Swann: "Because I'm incompetent but rich, so giving gifts seems to get me what I want. [to the maids] Strap her in please; the future Commodore is waiting."  
  
Elizabeth: [is being laced up] "I can't breathe"  
  
Omnipotent Author: "Elizabeth, you have to save that line for later, okay?"  
  
Elizabeth: "Damn."  
  
Servant: "M'lord, you have a visitor."  
  
[Will, although he can practically juggle flame throwers (er.razor sharp swords) perfectly, seems to be the klutziest man alive; he breaks the chandelier and hides piece in umbrella stand.]  
  
Governor Swann: "Well good day there. Do you have my order?"  
  
Will: "Well, of course. But first let me show you my gymnastic sword- flipping skills so you won't suspect me when you find the chandelier piece in the umbrella stand."  
  
Governor Swann: "Okay but hurry up. I have to show off my daughter's cleavage to the future Commodore."  
  
[Elizabeth walks down stairs]  
  
Governor Swann: "Elizabeth, you look lovely."  
  
Will: [drool]  
  
Elizabeth: "Will! I love you!"  
  
Omnipotent Author: "Elizabeth, that comes later too. Right now just be quiet and look pretty, okay?"  
  
Will: [drool]  
  
Governor Swann: "Come on, Elizabeth, it's time for me to pimp you to the Commodore."  
  
Elizabeth: "Crap!"  
  
[Elizabeth and Governor Swann leave]  
  
Will: "Oh man, why didn't I just tell her I love her then?"  
  
Omnipotent Author: "Because otherwise we wouldn't have had a plot for the movie."  
  
Will: "Oh right. Well, I'll just look longingly at her now, I guess." 


	3. Chapter 3

Scene 3: (A most excellent entrance, the debate, and the proposal)  
  
[Jack stands on the mast of his boat, notices that it is filling with water, and jumps down to bail it out]  
  
Jack: "Damn! This is the last time I buy a used boat off e-bay." [sees three pirate skeletons hanging with a sign "pirates ye be warned" and bows to them] "Ah, it's Manny, Mo, and Jack.no wait..Larry, Moe, and Curly? Can't remember.."  
  
[Jack reaches the port, his boat sinking lower and lower until he reaches the dock and steps off.]  
  
Harbormaster: "What? Hold up there you.this dock is for loading and unloading only. Metered docking is available on the other side of the port."  
  
Jack: "How about if I grease your palm with gold?"  
  
Harbormaster: "Oh, that's fine then. Welcome to Port Royal."  
  
[Norrington's promotion ceremony] Shouted orders to soldiers: "Two paces front!"  
  
Elizabeth [fanning herself]: "And I missed my soaps for this?"  
  
Murtogg: [to Mullroy] "So a man walks into a bar." [trails off as he spots Jack] "This dock is off limit to pedestrians. I mean, civilians."  
  
Jack: "Crap. Why aren't you two up at the fort?"  
  
Mullroy: "We didn't want to miss the Super Bowl." [points at TV the two have hooked up on the dock]  
  
Jack: "Ah, well.I guess I'd better talk about the Black Pearl because it gets important later in the movie and it's time to start foreshadowing."  
  
Murtogg: [pokes Mullroy] "Hee hee hee."  
  
Mullroy: "You poked me!"  
  
Murtogg: "Did not!"  
  
Mullroy: "Did too!"  
  
Murtogg: "Not not not not!"  
  
Mullroy: "Too too too too infinity!"  
  
[Jack rolls eyes and gets on the ship]  
  
Mullroy [to Jack]: "Hey, what are you doing!"  
  
Jack: "Can I take this boat out for a test drive? I'm planning to commandeer it later."  
  
Murtogg: "Er..nope."  
  
Jack: "Crap."  
  
[back on the battlements of the port] Norrington: "Elizabeth, may I speak to you for a moment? This promotion of mine throws into sharp relief that which I have not achieved yet.a trophy wife. You're legal now, right?"  
  
Omnipotent Author: "They didn't have laws back then about legal age."  
  
Norrington: "Oh good. So, what do say, Elizabeth?"  
  
Elizabeth: "I'd rather jump off a cliff."  
  
Norrington [not listening]: "Yes, just imagine.you can spend the rest of your life throwing dinner parties for me and lean on my arm being pretty and stuff."  
  
Elizabeth: "That's it.." [jumps off cliff]. 


End file.
